Ten Reasons Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

I was just reminded why I don't take my fiance with me to the grocery store. We don't go together anymore because I frankly don't care what things cost by the half-ounce.

Marketing experts know that generally speaking, there's a shopping gender gap. Women tend to enjoy shopping. I know exactly what I want, get in and get out. I find that if I only have a few things to buy, I don't mind browsing. If.I.Am.Alone.

Most men don't like to shop. Not so with John. He has an opinion about everything and we generally leave with 400 items that we didn't intend to come with and 100.00 over budget. To his credit, he loves to cook, and food shopping is fine...I just can't do it with him.

Ladies, we can manage Home Depot alone just as guys can deal with Victoria's Secret solo. We don't have to do either together. Many marriages have been strained almost to breaking over shopping trips. Most psychologists advise spouses not to shop together.*

In fact, wives should never insist husbands join them, say, for shopping excursions to Target. That kind of abuse could bring out the Bad Boy in any man.

I found a list of Ten Reasons Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping. It speaks for itself. Right, guys?
Acts Committed By Bored Husbands In Department Stores:

1. Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other couple's carts when they weren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

5. Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Hid behind a clothing rack and as people browsed through, whispered "Pick me! Pick me!"

7. While handling guns in the hunting department, asked a clerk where the antidepressants were.

8. Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror to pick his nose.

9. When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed a fetal position and screamed, "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least:

10. Entered a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" (One of the fitting room clerks passed out).

So...shop with the guys at your own risk. Personally, I didn't have to deal with any of these things. But it's really annoying to try to grocery shop with someones hands creeping down the back of your pants, or up your shirt, or whispers of dirty stuff they want to do in every aisle. I'm sorry....spaghetti sauce just doesn't turn me on.